So after my cleansing blog earlier today I went to the gym. Sweating out all my emotions helped a lot! Also, watching divorce court and a few other judge shows proved I am not as jacked up as a lot of other people. It has also gotten me thinking about unconditional love. So what is unconditional love? Dictionary.com defines it as: affection with no limits or conditions; complete love. Well, apparently from the last 10 days...I do not have unconditional love. Can humans actually obtain this? I totally love my children without question, but there are times I am very upset with them and would prefer to not see or talk to them (they are 24 and 20). Is that unconditional love? I love my parents without question too, but there are times I am glad I live so far away. Is that unconditional love? The only person I know of that truly exhibited unconditional love is Jesus Christ. We talk a lot about unconditional love, but I don't think as humans we are capable of it hence the reason we are always asking God for forgiveness. If there was so much unconditional love then the divorce rate would not be so high. Just an opinion from the unstable.
Well, I think I have confused unconditional love with being easy going and holding in feelings so as not to hurt another person's feelings. I think I have gone overboard with that and have become an emotional carpet for others to walk on and take advantage of. I have for months been trying to say what is bothering me rather than holding it in until I explode over something earth shattering important like who did dishes last. Well, I don't want unconditional love from anyone. Flawed is what I am....human is what I am....and I have needs I want the people who love me to validate. I want someone to love me enough to want me to be happy (within reason), to want me to succeed, to want me to be the best person I can be, but still be strong, to want me around. These are the things I want for everyone around me and for myself.
This is just something that 63 minutes thinking on a treadmill will produce.
Lisa, your post says it so well. I am proud that you are putting into words what you are feeling. I hope those closest to you read and respect this blog. With that same thought, I hope you write this for you and not them. I know that when I stopped writing with the sole purpose of letting others know how I felt and started writing in a way that helped me understand how i felt (and in the process sharing that with the world) I began to really understand what my issues are and how to work through them.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have started writing and I am excited to be on your journey. (OMG i think that line just made me throw up in my mouth a little)
love you, casey
Casey,
ReplyDeleteYou were/are my inspiration in this blog. When I have been drowning in my own sorrow, I remembered your painful issues last year and wondered if I could find the right journey too. My issues were hurting the ones I love the most. Well, so far so good. No worries, this is all for me and talking out the issues I cannot change. I have a hard time talking about my disappointments and emotional problems, but have no problem sending a nasty email when I get overwhelmed with them. I am hoping this is a more positive way to express myself. Maybe I can help someone else who feels the same way I do as you did for me.
You always have the right words for me.
You are appreciated. xoxo
Lisa