Today is my birthday. 45...wow 1/2 way to 90. It is official that I am now standing on the hill looking out over the past and future. Thinking about that can be overwhelming, but also encouraging. The past can be painful and I am feeling like it will become less painful as I creep down the other side of the hill.
I can remember when I was about 12 I decided I would not hold my older sister's hand in public. The reason to me at that time was that I did not want anyone to think I was gay. My sisters 12 years older and you can imagine how many times she had to babysit me and take care of me. She stated that it really hurt her feelings. 12 twas the age, for me, not wanting anyone to have a reason to criticize me. Clothes, hair, makeup, music and interests were all tailored to what was acceptable for pre-teen years. Oh, how I have been repaid not only by my own children when they entered these years of public humiliation, but the fact I am in purgatory teaching middle school.
My children were totally humiliated by me. Being a teacher tends to erase those boundaries of when to correct other people's children and when not to. The grocery store, mall or an amusement park were areas they dreaded most because I had no problem correcting whomever was around. Singing in the grocery store, or complaining in a restaurant would send them under the table to hide. However, my kids have gotten even.
As they grew out of the awkward don't look at me don't say that in public phase they have gotten even. The most laughable and embarrassing time was shopping with both of them in a Yankee Candle store. Both would either pick up a candle and state, not in a whisper, "OMG this smells like ass", or they would shove the candle in my face saying "MOM, smell this it smells like ass". Geeze, I couldn't be more proud. Or the time we were walking out of Famous & Barr and I hear behind me "butt hole licker". I whip around and snarl "TARA". Tara yells, "WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME? IT WAS NIKKI". I look at my oldest daughter (20) and with the most precious innocent face smiles. Touche.....
Now that I am a Grammy, the past is the past and I am looking forward to the future. Birthdays, Christmas, baseball games and school events. Bring it on....the more I slide down that hill the less I will see of the past and will be able to focus on the future. I want to focus on being healthy, good to others and happy.
Bring on the next 45, I have learned from my mistakes and this will be the best 45 yet.
Happy Birthday to you.
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